Jan 25, 2026
(Continued from: Crashing out)
On Monday, October 20, I open my laptop. I did a lot during my leave of absence: I attended BFC as well as a farewell party hosted by a close New York friend in Brooklyn; I moved to the Bay Area, decorated my room, and tried lots of restaurants around the area; I went to Folsom Street Fair and Frolic, spent time with my ex, and reconnected with the Bay Area furry community. I felt restored, like I was finally able to rinse off the grime that had coated my body and mind for the past year.
Even still, signing back on at work was not easy. During the break, my manager put in his notice. He was a fantastic manager, a role model, and, frankly, one of my biggest advocates at work. I had a lengthy discussion with him about the reasons he decided to leave, and it made me lose even more respect for leadership at the company.
From the issues I identified in my post on crashing out, how I was going to address my long-term relationship with and exhaustion from work was still my biggest unsolved issue. It makes sense: I did take six weeks off work to focus on everything else going on in my life, but work was my biggest cause for burnout initially, so I didn't feel confident that work wasn't going to cause me to burn out again.
Setting aside work, here were some of the things that I was able to accomplish over break:
Re-think my habits and routines. I have no big insights here, nor do I think there are any: I started drinking more water, waking up and going to bed at the same time each day, and making my bed. These were the simple habits and routines that were beneficial for me that I had lost and rediscovered with my time off.
Accept more of myself, and my interests. For the first time in my life, I decorated my room! I picked out colorful blankets, sheets, curtains, and rugs, and put up photos on the walls. It might seem frivolous (I certainly used to think so), but it's made a genuine improvement on my quality of life. Coming home to a room that feels good makes it that much easier to bear with a tough day.
There's more detail about this in my reflection on Babyfur Con, but I also curated more of my belongings and spaces around my ABDL/kidfur interest. I bought a Lego backpack and Bluey plush, and my household had a blow-up Bluey Halloween decoration outside our house during October. These little touches have been a big plus on my quality of life.
Reconnect socially, both "upwards" and "outwards". Broadly, I think I have two classes of friends: outwards and upwards. Outwards friends are friends whom I can relate to. They understand slang, memes, and share much the same culture. When people think of friends, I think most people think of outwards friends.
I think of upwards friends as friends who can offer creditable advice based on their past experience, perhaps halfway between a friend and a mentor. My burnout gave me a chance to reconnect with a bunch of upwards friends, and it was during this time that I noticed my lack of upwards friends in New York.
Once again, the biggest open question for me in terms of burnout is my relationship to work. My leave of absence bought me the space to isolate and address the causes of my burnout that were coming from outside work, while still leaving work itself unaddressed. Lethain says "the biggest barrier to a forty year career is burnout", and I fear I may be crashing into that big barrier in just three wimpy years.
I think a month-and-a-half was the right amount of time. If I'd taken more time off, I would have continued to set up my room and gotten into a fitness routine, but I certainly felt I was starting to hit the point of diminishing returns. When I returned to work, I felt somewhat relieved to have something to do again, even if it was fraught with existential dread.
Burnout is something that I will need to reckon with throughout my career—I think it'd be naive to assume otherwise. If I had any advice for my future self, I'd recommend watching for the signs of burnout more closely, to take regular breaks, and to divorce my performance at work from my life satisfaction.